So When Are You Having Kids?

My all time favorite question over the past 2.5 years. This question has been uttered by family members, friends, and straight up strangers. I want you to imagine that you have been trying to get pregnant for years, or have had a miscarriage (or multiple), or had a child that tragically passed away.... Now imagine getting asked that question.

People don't mean to be hurtful when they ask this question, but when asked, it's like a dagger in the heart. Like, EXCUSE ME (enter some generic name here), WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Also, not for nothing, but what if it was my decision not to have children? My generic answer in the past has always been "Oh, sometime in the near future," while I was crying and screaming on the inside.

This is a part of a line of questioning that never seems to end. "When are you going to get a boyfriend?" "When are you going to get engaged?" "When are you getting married?" "When are you having kids?" "When are you having ANOTHER kid?" Ugh. I get that people ask these things to be conversational and because many are truly curious, but that doesn't make it any less inappropriate or hurtful.

Jump to when people actually know your business and what you are going through, and the new phrase becomes "It'll happen eventually." As if that is supposed to make me feel better. I equate this to when a family member dies and people say "Sorry for your loss." They feel like they need to say something, don't actually know what to say, so they say this generic sentiment that is supposed to make it seem like they care and feel sorry for you. I appreciate the concern, and I know that YES, it WILL happen eventually.....but saying it doesn't make me feel any better.

To be honest, the only thing that has actually made me feel better so far in this process was talking to others who have gone through similar struggles and actually KNOW how I feel. Even talking to my husband doesn't always help. Yes, he is going through this with me, but it's not the same.

Speaking of, thank you thank you thank you to all those who have reached out to me in the past week about this blog. Part of my discovery through this journey is that (as I mentioned above), talking to others who have gone through this has been the most helpful and eye opening to me. For those that this applies to, know that you give me strength and I hope that I can do the same!

Peace and love!